This week’s poem, by Jackie Humphrey, is From The Journal of a Jack Russell and is called ’Ere We Go Again.
I have a funny mistress,
The games she likes to play,
She’s just bought me a Filofax,
And hopes I want to stay!
She wants to teach me how to drive,
And how to park the car!
All I want to do is stay alive,
Not drive her stupid car!
She tells me every morning,
That she loves me more each day,
Today she’s teaching barking,
Tomorrow it’s how to neigh!
She draws me funny diagrams
Of what a dog should do,
She’ll have me on the computer next,
(She hasn’t got a clue)!
For all you dogs out there,
A word of advice I give,
Don’t let them tell you what to do,
Or how to be a dog.
O god, she’s bought a doggy book,
She’s teaching ‘How to read’
She’s entering me in Crufts this year,
I think I want to die!
Loads of smelly bath salts,
Oh please, I have to ask, but why?
‘You want me to do some somersaults,
And sing a lullaby’
I can’t take any more of this,
I’m off, Goodbye!