READERS’ POETRY: From the Bury Free Press of Friday, December 5

Readers' poetry
Readers' poetry
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This week, we have two humorous poems by Jacqueline Humfrey.


I like to chew my mistress’s socks,

Or nick a shoe or two!

I love to tear up teacloths,

Such naughty things to do!

I love to bark at postmen,

And chew the mail each day,

My favourite has to be the bills,

The ones you hate to pay!

I love to chase a bird or two,

(But burglars are the best!)

I like to hear them scream in pain,

I bite unwanted guests!

It’s been a very busy day today,

So off to bed I go,

It’s time to get my beauty sleep,

Let’s start counting sheep.


Solicitors always charge a lot,

Which they say is justified!

One I know has a brand new yacht,

I wonder, would he take me for a ride?

‘Love to’ he cheekily replies,

As he writes me out a bill!

I wondered’ he said, looking at his watch,

‘Would you like to make a will?

‘Because you never know what tomorrow brings!’

‘More bills from you, amongst other things,’

I cycnically replied.

Think I’m in the wrong job,

Perhaps I should become a lawyer?

(Gosh I am a snob)

Or shall I become a doctor?

Now there’s a trying job.

Routine operations, and lots of gory blood!

On second thoughts forget it,

I’ll stick to what I’ve got.

Email your poems to or send them to: Poetry Please, Bury Free Press, King’s Road, Bury Str Edmunds IP33 3ET.