This week, we have two humorous poems by Jacqueline Humfrey.
A POEM FROM MY DOG
I like to chew my mistress’s socks,
Or nick a shoe or two!
I love to tear up teacloths,
Such naughty things to do!
I love to bark at postmen,
And chew the mail each day,
My favourite has to be the bills,
The ones you hate to pay!
I love to chase a bird or two,
(But burglars are the best!)
I like to hear them scream in pain,
I bite unwanted guests!
It’s been a very busy day today,
So off to bed I go,
It’s time to get my beauty sleep,
Let’s start counting sheep.
Solicitors always charge a lot,
Which they say is justified!
One I know has a brand new yacht,
I wonder, would he take me for a ride?
‘Love to’ he cheekily replies,
As he writes me out a bill!
I wondered’ he said, looking at his watch,
‘Would you like to make a will?
‘Because you never know what tomorrow brings!’
‘More bills from you, amongst other things,’
I cycnically replied.
Think I’m in the wrong job,
Perhaps I should become a lawyer?
(Gosh I am a snob)
Or shall I become a doctor?
Now there’s a trying job.
Routine operations, and lots of gory blood!
On second thoughts forget it,
I’ll stick to what I’ve got.
Email your poems to email@example.com or send them to: Poetry Please, Bury Free Press, King’s Road, Bury Str Edmunds IP33 3ET.